This Presidential Election Should Be Resolved By Pokemon Battle

This election year offers us a unique opportunity. No, I’m not talking about voting for a woman or seeing if Obama really will step down from office. I’m talking about the opportunity to have a presidential bout the Millennial generation can get behind. I am suggesting a video game battle. And, since there are over 200 people running for President this year, we’ll need a lot of different ways for them to demonstrate their abilities.

Which is where Pokemon come in to play. Check this:

  1. The color scheme’s already in place: Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. Team Magma and Omega Ruby are red, and Team Aqua and Sapphire are blue.


Coincidence? I think not.

2.  The strengths of the candidates are quantifiably shown. Pokemon is the largest and most artistic form of Rock-Paper-Scissors known to mankind. Building a good party is as much about selecting the right Pokemon as much as it is training them and leveling them up. So if Hillary Clinton’s fielding a team of high level Pokemon but they’re all fighting type and Rand Paul’s rocking it with the different Eevee evolutions, well, then there’s a clear way to identify who’s using what strategy.

There's a new Eeveelution in town! 11x17" poster printed on 100lb gloss text paper, shipped in plastic sleeve and a sturdy cardboard tube. All posters are digital prints of illustrations by Finni Chang.     If you would like your posters signed, please indicate whether you'd prefer the front or t...

And if a presidential candidate throws a patrat on his team, don’t vote for him.

3.  Instead of spending millions of dollars campaigning, Pokemon trainers from around the world could weigh in, donating Pokemon. A Nintendo 3DS XL plus a game? About two hundred and fifty bucks. Then that money could be put right back into the massive debts we have to settle.

4. Think of the commercials!

5. Japan would likely bless this Presidential campaign. Mascots would be sent and the mighty foot of Godzilla would be stayed. We would have an ally again.

6. We’d finally get campaign goodies we’d want to wear more than once. Let’s face it, that t-shirt everyone’s proud to wear during a rally is neat and a show of solidarity, but that poster of Mitt Romney riding a Rapidash in the name of freedom would be treasured for always. I mean, we’re already displaying our voting choices for Cthulhu, Gandalf, and Darth Vader, now people would take us seriously.

This is THE #pikachu shirt that every kandi kid needs.

7. Debates would be swapped with trainer battles from the opposing sides. Now, not only can you be a supporter of your side, but you’ll have your chance to knock the opposition down a peg in a very legal, non-violent way.

8. Tumblr would finally get the attention it deserves for being the wealth of knowledge it is.


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