Short Story: Latest Reports

Subject Name: Joy Davison

Life Status: Adult


The subject remained in a state of low energy and unstable emotions. She requested an item from her home to be presented to her in an attempt at respite from this state of mental trauma she self-diagnosed as depression. Through a lot of bartering and negotiation we have obtained a specimen. Administration refuses to reimburse us for the cost of the specimen or the necessary accessories.

When presented with the item, the subject immediately let out a high-pitched call our previous research had deemed a distress cry. Her hands reached out and her fingers clutched and unclutched repeatedly in her effort to establish contact. We are unsure if any of this is a ritual offered to the item or a display of her weakened state. All attempts to communicate with her went unanswered for several minutes.

Her whole body curled around the object, obscuring it from view. We can only assume this is to obtain all beneficial aspects from being in the presence of the item.

The bizarre display continued as an unknown language came from her. In tones only slightly lower than the introductory distress signal, fragments of words and sentences came in a long stream until she once again curled her body around the object.

Then the item made a noise. The subject mimicked the distress signal from the item and proceeded to communicate with the object, though our studies have no indication that it has the ability to communicate effectively.

My colleague, who had been standing next to me, leaned towards me and in a low voice asked if this really is the cure to the subject’s self-diagnosed disease. The subject looked up from her item and nodded before returning to communicate with her item in the fragmented words and half segments. When we saw her face she once again had the streams of salt water that are a sign of extreme duress or happiness.

We can only conclude that their need to educate others extends beyond their species. This obsession has thus far been met with futility as the item only emits distress signals and audible vibrations that we are assured is a sign of satisfaction and comfort.

Further, it is unsure whether this item, which the subject identified as ‘Mittens’, has had the proffered effect, although there has been an increase in her endorphin levels and her emotional displays known as ‘smiling.’ While she is in physical contact with the mittens there is no symptom of the depression. Attempts will be made to introduce a mittens to other human specimen in the hopes that it will provide them with a cure. The subject has recommended we find a variety called ‘Maine Coon’, as it is the ‘floofiest’. We are requesting resources to obtain such a specimen so we can understand what benefits floof has on mental and medical status.


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